Poems and Prayers and Promises and Apologies...

After a lifetime , that is 3 weeks in "mother speak" or as my 12  year old daughter would call it, hyperbole. She knows this at 12? She pronounces it correctly as well. She brought home a book of all sorts of poems from a school project. But I digress, the last time I saw them was on a Monday morning as I dropped them off at school.  I was to pick them up like I always do afterward.  Except life happened and I was late.  Not just few minutes mind you but off the charts late.   When I was finally able to get to a phone I knew that I should call their father first before heading down to try to gather them up.  Experience has taught  me that putting myself in such a position would only open my girls up to seeing and hearing inexcuseable hateful and childish behavior from the adults they have to live with. So I made the call.  I asked if they were both safe.  And yes they were. I then said I would come and pick them up from their father's home so that I could apologize to them and spend my last night with them. He refused to allow me  I tried, of course to call them that evening so that I could apologize at least on the phone but he never did answer the phone all 4 times I called that night and never once  told the girls I had tried to call.

I have been beating myself up for 3 weeks over this because I was blocked from talking to them.    I was terrified to pick them up today for fear there would be a commotion.  I no longer put myself in aproximation to the culprits for the girls sake however there are times they get me cornered anyway. I ring the doorbell and quote part of a poem, 

"go placidly amongst the noise and haste and remember what peace there may be in silence"

I then walk slowly back to my car and wait for them to come out.  And yes I have my tape recorder rolling in case turning the other cheek doesn't work I will have proof of the abuse.   I believe one can act Christ like and watch their back at the same time.

The girls came out and bounced into the car.  The first thing out of of their mouths were "where were you on Monday mom?".  Whew,  I was so relieved that I had their ears and their bodies all seat belted in so that I could tell them everything!  You know it is an amazing thing when an adult apologizes to a child.  They suddenly feel like people.  They sit taller in their seats and hang on every word you say.   I apologized for being late.  I acknowledged that they must have felt fear, worry, anger, disappointment and that I wanted so much to let them know that I loved them and it was okay however they felt.  Come to find out their biggest fear was the possible explosion of nastiness.   I was honest with them that when their father said I couldn't come get them I decided to just let it go peacefully.  My 12 year old put her hand on my arm and sincerely said,  "thanks mom".  

We went straight to the store to gather our feasts for the next few days.  The minute we were out of the car I was inundated with multiple hugs from them both.  We all were transformed.  I felt it in my body and it shown brightly on the girls faces.   We spoke of Lent and they both told me of their sacrifices they had chosen.   12 year old is stopping popping her knuckles (yay) may our loving God keep her hands busy for the next month!  10 year old is giving up desserts. (please God make sure she eats a full dinner at night or she will be haunted by snack demons for 40 days) They asked me what I was giving up and I said that it was hard to explain unless you understand what existentialism is.  12 year old knows the word!  Luckily, she will have to google it first before we have a conversation about it.  She then asked what I was going  to start doing.  I stopped and said,  "The first thing I want to do is to speak prayerfully when dealing with hard situations."She hugged me again and said, "I love that idea mom!  And you are doing really good!"

Loving God, I pray a prayer of thanks, gratitude and humility.   I sleep tonight without a doubt in my mind that we are all connected , even if we are sometimes separated... amen